wrestling...

"Stay on the course, stay on the course! If you have to wrestle with yourself,
wrestle with yourself. But keep on the narrow path!"
- Mike Griffiths (Senior Pastor, Elim Christian Centre Dunedin)

I don't just want to keep being a Sunday-only Christian...but I'm finding it so hard. especially towards those who are closest to me. well, close enough anyway. I want to tell them about You, but I can't...I...

my one weakness that I admit, I say a lot of things, but do very little. and I was reminded just now by one younger than me, but might have been more mature than me spiritually, that it's easier said than done. I know. I guess maybe I don't know all of you that well, and I really did want to share my experience with you, but I guess it's not that important, is it? you wouldn't know that I really wanted to share something with all of you, you have your own opinions, you wanted your own say...well, I listened, guess that's good enough. the one time I thought what I went through would be worth it, now...I really don't know. was it for nothing? maybe looking on the bright side, another opportunity will come...who knows...

sorry I'm a bit...pessimistic.

my weekend's over just like that. 2 balls...not that I enjoyed myself particularly on either night, sadly to say. hmm...guess I shall use my same old excuse, I'm just not the type. I'd rather stay at home with my books, or go outdoors and play some sport (or more like go to Unipol for indoor sport cos it's warmer there). it's just...hmm. not me? hmm.

about my previous post, I guess I have second thoughts about it...I don't think I want to know. it just seems like...a fairy tale almost. haha. a nice dream, a fantasy, but in real life, maybe not? I wonder when will I ever...but I said before, not till the end of the year at least. guess I'll know when the time comes...

seems like I'm guessing a lot huh. haha.

it's a hectic week ahead...1 rat race on Thurs, 2 CAL tests to be done by next Thurs, PDS project to work on due asap which I was supposed to do a while back, and...I think that's it. long days though. I can't complain.

something I've noticed...I feel quite ________ from my lifegroup.

you, can we be friends again now that my feelings are out of the way? well, on the verge of getting out of the way anyway? or will that cause me more damage?

am I wrestling with myself??? my emotions???

excuse the rhetorical questions.