my daily routine consists of going to work (I've been slack and arriving at work later than I should! =S), coming home to exercise (*ahem*) and cook (sometimes), then watching TV for the rest of the evening (there's usually good programmes). PLUS Skyping with my other half whenever possible! typical schedule with the occasional long day at the main hospital once a week or so.
recently been feeling quite inadequate in terms of managing patients. I have always had the problem of formulating a good patient management plan. I am okay with interviewing and somewhat okay with examining them, but when it comes to the differential diagnosis and plan...it gets a bit dodgy. even after all these years, I have yet to become good at it. it's not that I don't enjoy my job, I just need to get better at what I am doing so that I have more confidence.
last Tuesday, 5th Apr some things happened that I just want to note down:
1. we had a PGY1 teaching session at the BEC auditorium about informed consent. at the start we were all asked to introduce ourselves, say what we liked to do outside of Medicine, and state our career aspirations. mine went like this: "hi, I'm Nadia, and I'm a house officer doing Forensic Psychiatry. outside of Medicine, I like to stay at home and let time pass. (pause...some laughter as people seemed amused) as for my career, I'd like to practice medicine in a third-world country."
I really did mean it when I was saying that. I prefer staying at home and not be having to do much than to go out. be it online on Facebook/YouTube/Skype...this is what I enjoy doing. not that I don't HAVE hobbies like sports, etc. maybe I said that because I wanted to get attention? I like making people laugh. and most people had very high aspirations. I usually say that I would like to be a GP, depending on who I'm talking to. I just wanted to be different that day I guess.
2. I was really encouraged by one of the nurses who was retiring (she was 70 but didn't exactly look it!). was just checking up on a patient who wasn't under my care but whom I was called to see 2 weeks earlier. she said that no matter where I was in life, that I'd always be a doctor. something about me having a heart for people. and this was based on only meeting her a couple of times and not really working with her. then she gave me a hug and said "God bless you" as I left.
yeah...that's it.
I think there is underlying stress in me. although I might not show it, but I am stressed. and in situations where I can't control it anymore, I break down. twice this past week. once after my long day on Tues (12th) and yesterday when my online document got erased because I didn't save it (!!!). and once 2 weekends ago. bleargh. need to learn how to de-stress/deal with stress?
appreciate you trying to understand, I know it's not easy, especially dealing with me of all people. and it's not like either of us can run away (technically yes but practically no). I'm a work in progress. thanks yah...
and thank you for being here for me. distance doesn't matter when it comes to the act of caring. to know you're standing by me through the good times and the bad...for times to come too. THANK YOU. =) looking forward to the time when geography is no longer a hindrance!
they say, the best is yet to come...
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