it is in times like these...

...that I remember this place exists and I come back here. because this is where I can really be myself, a place where I can say what I want to say.

life so far has been...okay. happiness in the sense of family progress, stable income, not many things to worry about. but everything has its ups and downs, we just hope for more ups than downs.

tonight was a disappointing night. disappointed in myself, disappointed in my abilities. did I do something wrong? is it because I am spending too much time at work? am I neglecting the kids? is that why he prefers his caregiver over me?

it hurt me so badly to see him calm down in her arms...

I don't know how it will go on from here. continue down the same road and there is no turning back. the older one sticks like glue to me - how do I shake her off so I can divide my attention to the one in question?

so the sadness and low mood follows...

and then there is you. why did you appear? where did you come from? what am I supposed to make of this? when did it all happen so sudden? who are you that you would listen? how will I carry on?

whatever it is, I am still thankful for tonight. thank. you.

let us see how everything works out. then I can look back here and say - this was the situation, I am glad it turned out well.