right.

ok, so people have commented that I haven't been blogging for a while. and so here I am, online after a period of more than a week. haven't even checked my mail during that time. =X yah, yah, I know, that isn't really responsible of me, what if someone was trying to contact me urgently via email and I didn't even bother going online to check it?!? blah blah blah... I just don't usually have the habit of coming online often. I do go through sporadic times where I am always online and what not...but this is more normal, not going online. so pple, do forgive me if I don't reply your mails or anything...I'm really sorry.

hmm...but yeah, just an update: my sis is coping very well with her op! =) really thank God. and thank you to everyone who's been praying for her and her knee to be healed. she's recovering really quickly, even her physiotherapist commented that she was going through rehab really well! heh. it's so like her to take things to the limit, push herself as far as she can go...

Nat, take good care of yourself ok? I love you and miss you so much!!! =)

mmm...more on my life in general, many things have been happening. pple can see...pple can guess. well, yah, I prob won't go into any details or anything, but I really hope for the best. devoting whatever's happening now in prayer...maybe because that's what I really want. but at the expense of other things, other people? I'm not too sure about that. I don't want my happiness to be gained while someone else suffers because of it. maybe that's the thing about me, always so concerned about what other people think. a people-pleaser. only thing is...I can't please everyone. I'm never gonna get out of the cycle if I keep going like this...hmm. talking to Jess yesterday after church...somehow it lifted a burden off my mind and heart. maybe knowing that I'm not alone in this...makes me feel better. it doesn't help in solving anything, but yah...thanks Ah Ma, I really really appreciate you listening to me and praying for me...

and to you...I realise I really don't know much about you after all. what happened in the past, what's going on now. I'm just so naive. maybe it's all just a dream, something I think about...because reality's just too harsh, and I don't think I can face it anymore. every time I see you, I just can't help but wish things could be different. maybe that I didn't meet you at all, maybe I didn't get to work together with you, maybe, just maybe, we didn't get along so well as friends. then I won't be in the situation where I am right now. don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you haven't been a good friend, in fact, I really appreciate this friendship. but because I appeared at such a time as this, it doesn't help matters at all. I don't know what to do anymore...

I guess I know why I don't come online. the things I think about gets put into words...not exactly what I want to do. maybe I write better than I speak...that's why. hmm...but I know everything will be ok eventually...just keep praying...and hoping for the best. that's what I'll always have: HOPE. because that's what my name means...and I know I was named for a reason...