hot chocolate on a cold day...

it's spring, but the weather hasn't been very pleasant. apparently it snowed this morning...well, I wasn't really keen on getting out of bed that early in the morning to see it happen though I was awake. I think I had the longest sleep ever, 12 hours from 9pm last night. I was just meant to take a short nap...got up at 11 but went back to sleep! zZz...kept waking up a couple of times during the night though. I did remember I had quite a number of dreams. hmm...

didn't have class today. I need some motivation to study eh. exams start in 20 days as of today, yet the way I'm going about doing things it's as though I have all the time in the world. hmm...it's quite startling how different things are a year on. I still remember going hard out for Health Sci last year...but look at me now. I must say it's terrible how I'm so unmotivated. argh. need to give myself a kick to wake me up and bring me back to reality...

hmm...there's more to life than studies though, but at the moment studies have priority over other things. yet when I say that, there's the tendency for the mind to wander. distractions...they're just endless. need to tune out everything else other than studies. it's so hard. especially when studying needs brain power, the neurons seem to synapse inappropriately with other neurons that relate to other thoughts. hmm...

you know, sometimes, not knowing is better than knowing. because now that I know, I feel bad. somehow I just do. did I do the right thing by acting on my feelings? right now, it's not just about me anymore. I feel almost...guilty. because when I think of what I did, someone else might have been hurt in the process. I might have unknowingly inflicted emotional pain on a person whom I didn't have the right to hurt...

I'm sorry if my actions in any way hurt you...when you could only stand at the side and watch. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for you to feel hurt. I don't know if you did, you might've, seeing that you were once involved as well. I didn't know what the whole story was from your point of view, but now that I know a bit, I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm really sorry...

another mistake made. when will I ever learn? hmm...




"the clouds do have their part to play...the inevitable rain is cold and gloomy...but it only serves to prelude a rainbow when the sun does reappear, which it will"