it's tomorrow!

UMAT's tomorrow. hmm...how do I feel about it? nothing I guess. most pple are geared up for it, I'm not sure how prepared they are, but it seems like I'm one of the few who's not really caring much. I feel it's really like what Ben said, if I'm meant to get into Med I will...all I can do is to do my best and the rest I'll leave it to work out the way it was planned to be...yup. oh yah, speaking of which, I was so blur today! oh man...I can't believe I actually didn't notice pple trying to get my attention!!! we walked into a CD and DVD store, and my 2 friends found it strange that there was a guy staring in our direction and another one who was deliberately coughing so that I'd turn around. but I didn't! hehe. so embarrassing lah. I got so engrossed in looking through the CDs I think that I was lost to the world! hehe. sorry about that guys...=P but it's quite surprising that I'm seeing lots of homegroup people everywhere. like I met Jenny at the $2 Shop before that, and then Martin and Ben at the store I was mentioning about. I guess there's not many places pple can go to...considering it's Dunedin. but it's really good meeting them at places outside homegroup. yah...

this leads me into what I did today. uh...got up early to go for study group, caught the bus in and reached uni at 8.40am, and was in the Central Library using the computers. I think I'm starting to get quite sick of html already. hehe. my blog's looking much better now than when I first started it...but it's still in the progress of construction, so don't mind if it doesn't look that good now. (oh, I can't get the comments link up at the moment, please put up with it for a whlie.) however, I think I've just complicated things for myself. spent quite a lot of time last night figuring out the html, and now there's a whole bunch of code for my blog template! argh. so frustrating, but yah...I'll probably work on it when I have the time. I'm actually supposed to be revising my work, yet I'm spending my time on useless things like blogging. hmm...

well...as I was saying about "study group", only me and Rach made it, then we didn't feel like studying. ended up going to St David CAL to use the com again. I really enjoy surfing the Net at the moment, cos I'm so caught up in blogging. I think I need a good kick to start doing proper things again. stuff such as these are supposed to be left for free time or when I'm having a break. I just need to get going! my thoughts now remind me of my sister...she was facing this problem of not being able to be motivated to do her work not so long ago. I can't be this way. I'm not criticising her...but if I really want to get what I'm aiming for, I need to take the initiative to study. self-discipline is so, so important. hmm...what people see, well, I can only say that God has been good to me. my results and all that...it's not so much from me doing consistent work, but He has blessed me in my studies so abundantly. if it's not Him, then how come I can score reasonably above average? it definitely can't be becos of luck. what...lucky like all the time? ridiculous lah. it's not by my own efforts that I'm getting what I get. what Paul said in my biography...well, I still stick to saying I'm not really studying that hard at all...

actually, my life sounds like it's just about studying now isn't it? sounds like it, but not really. studies are just one thing. it's good in a way, cos it can take my mind off other things. I have the tendency to start thinking about irrelevant stuff if I don't have things to do. but now becos I'm a student, my main purpose is studying. I'd prefer to have another thing as my top priority, but I can't choose it to be. I've got no choice. hmm...for example, the title of my blog. it's true, and I want it to be personal. it's not that I'm desperate to look for someone right now, but it would be a nice feeling to have a person love you and to be loved in return...hmm...lots of things to think about. like I said, it's irrelevant now. so we'll just leave it at that yah...

ok, better go prepare for UMAT soon...must wake up early in the morning tomorrow. let's just get it over and done with! =)

"if only we know what the future holds in store for us, we can then enjoy life now..."