maybe it's time for another one.

I've left my previous post there for quite long enough. it's who I am, for those who don't already know. it's me. hmm...I want to write "I don't know what to say" but this time around, there's a new resolution, to remove the phrase "I don't know" from my vocabulary. as in, it's either "yes" or "no", not "I don't know". it's going to be hard, I had to catch myself so many times already. and when I do say that, I feel bad inside. I must be a new person this year, character-wise I must develop into something better, so that I can be someone whom God can use.

I want to be a disciple of Jesus, and in saying that I know it's not going to be easy. no one said being a true "Christian" is easy. Jesus set the standard for His disciples, He went through so many trials and tribulations, yet when the devil tempted Him, He never gave in. not once. His 11 disciples, though human, when given the Holy Spirit were strong, and they were persecuted for the sake of spreading the gospel. persecuted. imagine being crucified upside down, or being hammered to death. how much more terrible a way to die?

I've been living the good life too long, all these blessings, yes I'd like them to come, but is that all I really want? to just take and take from the Lord? no, I want to give something back into the kingdom of God too. I want to serve Him. these few days, things have happened, and I've had revelations from the Lord about what He wants me to do. I didn't ever think it'd be this way, but God works in ways we don't understand and can never even get near to interpret. it's funny sometimes, how I think I don't think I'll ever be suitable for a task, yet God has other plans for me. it's just the start, there's still a great heap of growing and maturing to do, but I'm willing to do it. I want to do it.

"A pure heart with the right intentions -
God will take you beyond your limitations."
(courtesy of a fellow brother-in-Christ)

ok, this has kind of become a spiritual journal for the time being. hmm...guess I want people to know what's going on in my life, not what I do in the natural, because that's just ordinary. I'm unique, just as everyone else in the world is. I'm special in God's eyes. =) so are you.

"I don't long for anything anymore...I'm stronger now."