my thoughts right now.

at this point in time, I'm just really overloaded. there's so many things I have to do, so little time. there's this thing especially for me right now, it's my first 'big assignment', and I really want to do it well. yes, I know to others it might not even seem to be "peanuts"(forgive me for being sarcastic here but somehow I need to say it out), but to me this is my first time, and I honestly want to give it my best shot. I don't want to rush through it. please, just give me my space. I get frustrated when people start dictating my life, telling me what I should do and how I should do it. I am still me as an individual. I'm not meaning to offend those in authority, I understand why you all want me to get help. I know we cannot run as a single person, we need teamwork. but when others want to do things their way when I agreed to undertake the task, then what is this becoming? I gladly accept suggestions, especially those that will help me complete my job, and those that would make the end result much better. but I'd rather I do it in my own time. yes, I know those of higher spiritual maturity will have things to say about this statement. I know it too. just understand that this is how I'm feeling right now. it's just my opinion. I'm learning, I'm growing. and forgive me if I offend you. I know you're just trying to help. thank you so much for your concern. I'm not being sarcastic. honest. what's the point in that?

the situation is not as bad as it seems to be, though it may sound so.

"You will never leave where you are
until you decide where you'd rather be"
- Dexter Yager
(courtesy of BK)

maybe that's me. I haven't decided where I want to be. I know I want to help. but am I leaving where I used to be? as just someone else who comes and goes? who hangs out with the others like all the rest? not paying attention to things of the spiritual consistently? I am a spiritual being after all, just passing by through time as I learn to master the human experience.

there is meaning in life. once our time on Earth ceases we go on to eternity, where time no longer exists. life is when eternity pauses for a while and time begins; death is just the return back from time into eternity. I'm not afraid of death, the time will come when everyone will have to die. but as long as we are still alive we all have a purpose in life. it's just where we choose to seek the answers. I can only tell you my side of the story, whether you choose to listen and believe is your choice. it's your life, not mine. I care a lot about you, but ultimately you have to make the decision to believe, like I did.

"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."
(courtesy of BK)

deja vu. already seen. glimpses of eternity. parenthesis. time is a parenthesis of eternity. the book of Hebrews is full of parentheses. random thoughts. pieces of what's going through my mind.

"Do not cast away CONFIDENCE...
For you have need ENDURANCE..
Now the just shall live by FAITH!"
- Hebrews 10
(courtesy of a fellow brother-in-Christ)

I need to have a renewing of my mind again. I will stand strong. God is LIMITLESS, He is AWESOME. why should I doubt? through this I'm going to grow, and though I'm troubled, I'll come out of this stronger than before. I must let my character be molded, shaped, hammered. I am NOT going to let the devil take away what is rightly mine.