come?

will You come to help me?

"One of the greatest aspects of God being our Provider is His compassion. He doesn't just show up when times get tough, and He doesn't just hold us at arm's length. Instead, He puts himself right next to us. He carries us when we can't walk on our own. Even when we aren't asking for His help, He's giving it! When we aren't crying at His feet, He's still fulfilling our every need.

When will I learn? When can I finally surrender full control of me and tell God that I trust Him with everything - every day of my life? Because that's exactly what He wants."

- Learning to Trust 24/7 by Cindy L. Ooms
(Encounters With God, compiled by Kelly Carr)

somehow, it seems like in a way I've already made up my mind. I'm the kind that would make the compromise, give way in any argument if I don't really have a stand. I don't like conflict. it hurts me when I have to 'fight'. hmm. I think quite early on, I already half made up my mind...

the reasons for staying and those for going...shall we discuss them?

the main reason why I wanted to stay was becos this has been where I called HOME for the past 3 and a half years as of now. I spend more time here than back in Singapore...hmm. my 'family' is here. spiritual family anyway. and it's where I feel comfortable especially in homegroup, and with the girls in my lifegroup. hmm. and I'm already 'settled down' in Dunedin. and that's basically why I want to stay. I was thinking lesser people would choose to put here as their first choice, but apparently it's just the opposite situation now...

and why I don't mind going, it's becos I don't have any 'ties' here. as in family ties, or relationship ties for that matter. as much as I'd like to say I have, I don't. and guess the tough one would be friendship ties, cos though I don't have many good friends, everyone I know is here. to leave would be...really hard. but it doesn't really matter if I do leave, isn't it? I'll be able to find a good church, make new friends, settle in. it wouldn't be too hard, seeing how I managed to adapt when I first came here on my own those years ago.

going off would mean another adventure for me, to experience something new. and no, I wouldn't put Wellington as my first choice, I'd go for Christchurch. and that's not too far away, I could come back and visit once in a while, when I'm not too busy. and yeah, talking about being settled down, I most probably wouldn't be able to stay in this flat next year either. cos the landlord's son is entering uni and he came the other day with his friends to see the flat. on top of that, most of my flatmates won't be here anyway...so yeah.

and guess it'd be good if I leave too. the distance will do me good.

but I don't know what to expect. I was only up in Christchurch for a few days at the start of this year before I came down to Dunedin. and I didn't have to worry about accommodation, food, and what not. it'll be different if I do go next year. what about all the stuff I've collected over the years? am I just going to throw them away? hmm.

maybe it's time to step out of my comfort zone again. to take a step into the unknown. hmm.

and so...should I stay, or should I go..?