flipside.

flip a coin and what do you get? heads or tails right? totally opposite just with a 180 degree turn. it's so easy, in every situation, how you react is like the flip of a coin. you either react positively or negatively. and depending on which one you choose, the consequences can vary.

and the day can be like this too. this morning was brilliantly spoiled by my 'attitude'. last night ended pretty badly too, and it led on to today. bleah. annoying. thankfully there's grace and forgiveness present. then came the good part. obviously there is no doubt that God is real and He moves in pple's hearts. and I'm glad He did. so for the better part of the morning I basked in His goodness.

kinda spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon not studying, was doing something that in my opinion, was worth it. cos I do care you know, and I wanted to show it. won't know whether its impact would have been worth sacrificing my studies for, but can't turn back time so will just move on. and lifegroup this afternoon was good, with sharing of verses and an 'informal' bible study. and combined with another daughter lifegroup as well, so that was quite a different setting. did some revision after that for less than an hour, and back for music practice.

then came another 'bad' part. somehow things didn't seem to be going according to plan. with the tripping of fuses, foldbacks not going, sound not coming through the house speakers. it was frustrating. I still managed to have things under 'control', to the best of my ability with my "supervisor's" help. some things went back to normal, but the last was only fixed after worship finished. yeah, I know, it's not my fault, I shouldn't blame myself, but after all, I was still in charge of sound tonight. I know I'll be told not to beat myself up over it. what's done is done. hmm.

after that was service, and that was good, though kinda quite tiring I felt, cos I had to keep adjusting the volume when different speakers were talking into the mike. but the baptisms were just awesome. seeing pple publicly declaring their entry into the family of believers. God is good. all the prophecy, words of wisdom and knowledge, and encouragement. congratulations to all 7 of you who chose to take that step of faith! may all of us as your spiritual family help you to stay on track from now on. we love all of you! following that, it was a good time of fellowship. yeah.

then came 'reality'. all the above isn't really why I'm posting this.


it's you again. do you know how you make me feel? I don't know whether to ____ you or ____ you. and seeing what I used to experience happening to someone else. crash. my world comes falling down. do you know why I stood up and left just then? it's not a coincidence. and my guess is that you didn't even take much notice of that. since I don't even mean much, I don't see why you should. I don't want you to have an obligation to __________ me. the feeling of being _______ isn't nice you know. so much for calling me your ______. it _____.

you: was this how you felt when I was the one doing it? maybe it's payback time. to put myself in your shoes. to know how it feels to be on the other end.

you: sorry for 'spoiling' your special night. I'm sorry. no excuse. sorry.


well, it's kinda late. I should be studying or sleeping. not blogging.

rat race is tomorrow.



p.s. or maybe after the coin has been flipped it lands on its rim, and keeps on rolling...until it finally hits something, or a gust of wind blows it over, and it falls, landing once again on either side. but what is the probability of it landing in the middle? and how long can it stay standing, not supported by anything on either side? ultimately, it'll end up on one side or the other, won't it?