intensive studying.

well, not right now anyway. not at this moment in time. I have some things to say...

for one, at least I'm starting to get motivated to study, and I'm glad cos it's for my own good. and I've managed to cut down on my committments for this coming week. it's only these 2 weeks I guess, after that it's back to normal classes (imagine having to go back to 9-5 days even after the exam's over) for another 2 weeks. it'll be different, cos while everyone else is having exams, I'm not...hmm. won't look that far ahead, now to focus on exams first...

speaking of focusing, hmm. reminds me of how last year during my mid year exam I was so much more 'into' studying. how slack have I become? but don't worry, I'll give my best into studying. I better give all I have to pass my exams, cos I have expectations to meet...God, my parents, myself, my peers...

hmm. actually, that's not why I'm blogging.

I'm struggling...once again, it's back to the place where I'd rather not be...it's so hard. really so hard. why can't I just not get affected by something like this? sure, I do have times when I forget, esp when there are other distractions, other pple giving me attention. but it's times like this when I feel like I'd appreciate it.

you're right, I'd say "it's not you, it's me".

I guess, sometimes I want to be selfish. I want to know I mean more than just a casual friend you see, say hi and bye, and don't think anything more about it. saying is one thing, doing is another. I guess I don't deserve to get anything more than I give.

why do I even care so much?

ultimately one word sums it up: insecurity.

I'm so weak.

please help me God.

I should stop whining/moaning/whinging.
and be grateful for what I have.

it's only 7 days away.
I should study.