hypothesis.

ok, I've got this theory, and I think it's valid.

so the null hypothesis is:

when you step up to serve God, there will NOT be any opposition.

what that means is that if you decide to take a stand for God, things will be smooth sailing, and everything will go the way you want it to go. life is still a bed of roses, maybe the occasional thorn but nothing you can't handle. things are all a-ok.

NOT.

well. obviously from my life at the moment, I have disproven the hypothesis. it's only recently I realised, when I looked back, that I can feel like I'm fighting this battle. it's not anymore the materialistic things, but things that matter more.

this is spiritual warfare and it's so real.

if you've been there and done that, you'll know what it's like. I know right now, I'm not doing a whole lot of stepping up, but it's really been affecting me. everyday on my mind are the thoughts of my unsaved friends, and what I can do. and so many times I realise afterwards that I've missed an opportunity to talk about spiritual things or ask them to come along for WTP or anything along those lines. I've never been like this previously.

then there's the battle with my emotions. initially was with feelings for people, then I decided to give that a rest till next year. and it's not been easy but that's ok. next was the attack on my usually calm composure. this morning I almost lost my temper during my lab, and I haven't lost my temper like this in a long time. I was so upset I almost cried. and I've been so frustrated these couple of days. what's wrong with me? am I stressed? I don't think so...it's not the 'normal' me.

and so. have I not at least disproved the null hypothesis to a certain extent?

I know there's like lots of other stuff. but honestly, I'm struggling.

BUT I'm so encouraged by my family-in-Christ. God still put people around me to give me words/notes/txts/tags/msn msges/emails of encouragement. a BIG THANK YOU to everyone (especially those who faithfully come for prayer meetings, it means a lot to me). you don't know what you've done, but however small it's been, I really appreciate it.

so...

I know it isn't easy to be a faithful servant of God. I know I might falter at times, and maybe stumble along some part of the way. I know I will face opposition from the enemy.

BUT I know that I will carry on in Your strength, even if I have to plough my way through.

because I love You.

though the devil plays with lies in my life, God's truth still remains.

Psalm 73 (New International Version)

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.