let me say this...

I think I need to. put my thoughts into words and actions. not contradict what I think with what I say/do.

James 1:7-9 (New International Version)

7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

so...

I really don't think I'm ready for this. so I shouldn't even think about pursuing it should I? I'm not ready to make a committment, not ready to share my life, not ready to be an example to the people around me. so although I know that's what I want eventually, now's not the time. so I'm not going to think along the lines of anything anywhere near there. not until the end of the year at least.

there. =)

I really do want to work on making myself a better servant of God. that's my goal for now.