caught in the middle.

Sun 13th Apr 08. AZN Dance Party. Liquidity. 10pm-3am.

what can I say? I dressed up, had my hair and makeup done (thanks Ev!), and well, didn't drink, though I did dance a bit. my first time out "clubbing". I wasn't going to go initially, though it's not like I didn't enjoy myself at all. it's just...not my thing.

for one, dressing up...I don't like doing it. you wouldn't think so if you only met me this year. I always preferred wearing t-shirts and pants (I don't quite like jeans) to fancy tops and what not. it's only over the summer that I went shopping to change just about my entire wardrobe. "school" now requires formal clothing, so I'm getting used to that already. and outside of that, I seldom wear t-shirts, it's usually a 'nicer' top. but I just want to be comfortable with whatever I wear. guess I just have to adapt my dressing to the occasion...it's time to grow up. I still like my cycling attire the best though.

then comes the drinking part. most pple go there to get cheap(ish) drinks, have some alcohol, help to relax themselves a bit to dance and socialise. or I think for some drinking is a form of escapism. but either way, they still drink. some know their limits, and they drink not until the point where they're drunk, but just...friendly. others end up more than what they can tolerate, and they begin acting in a way they don't usually do. and I saw a bit of extremely tipsy pple last night, and I just think that's not the way to go. but I guess it's just me. I don't drink, so maybe it'll be better if I don't go to events such as these? does that make me stuck up? a geek? some might think so. who cares? do I?

and the dancing part...I don't think I have "the moves" or anything. and I disliked the heat of the dance floor area. all the hot and sweaty bodies, the crowdedness, the loud music...it's really not what I'd want to find myself in. I like dancing, that's why I go to hip-hop classes, but not in a bar. hmm. why do I put myself through this?

lastly, all the socialising. or all the not-socialising. the music is so loud you have to shout to be heard. and it really depends on the number of pple you know. if you're a social butterfly then you'll have no problem at an event such as this. if you're a nerd like me who sits at home all day then it's a bit different. although I knew pple there, I just didn't find it conducive for any conversations to be carried out, not that I wanted to talk to anyone in the first place. I prefer being alone at home, than in a crowded place with so many pple and still feel alone. I am not a social person by nature, it's something that I have to actively be, "social".

and so after all that rambling, the conclusion is: it's just...not my thing. haha. didn't I say that at the start already? I guess I did. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying how I felt about it. I think the event turned out very well in terms of organising and everything else (good job UCSSS Committee members, well done!) but I'm just not the right person to appreciate the actual event itself. hmm. guess it's once and for all?

and I suppose I'll never be the right one for you. we have very different lifestyles. this is yours, mine is way off. I somehow have a lot of hatred in me at the moment, and I'm jealous of who you show your concern to. but I have to let go. you're gone. no more. in the silence, it's all still now.

anyway, I'm on holiday. trying to get some work done but still in the process of getting motivated. 6 days left so I better make the most of it. and the sermons shared on Sunday about how we should be good stewards of the time God has given us, I should really apply it. cos this time is not mine, I should not waste it. these 86,400 secs are precious. so will tomorrow be a better day? I hope so.