somehow.

WARNING: Depressing post ahead, read at your own risk.

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I guess I said it too fast. I really honestly don't know how I managed to get myself into this situation AGAIN. seriously, I should just give myself tight slaps across my face, and wake up. (and smell the roses? haha. probably not.)

I am so cynical now, I almost hate myself.

I just want to run away...run far, far away from this place...

how can I be so stupid???

*knocks head on wall*.

how can you dive into the deep end of the pool if you can't swim? isn't that asking for trouble? you should have just stayed at the shallow end and learnt how to swim before wading out into deeper waters. look at what happened now. you're drowning, and there's no one to save you except yourself. WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN???

what am I going to do now?

run. retreat.
hide. hibernate.
disappear.

or pretend everything is ok. I can be so fake sometimes. nobody knows. well, better for them. who wants to be burdened with someone who's struggling with lessons which should have been learnt long ago. stupid, stupid, stupid.

and why am I so optimistic about my opinions of certain people? WHY do I tend to see only their good side? I filter out the bad. and it doesn't help at all.

let me rant.


I lie.
you won't know,
but
the world will.


the wind
caressed the leaves,
but for a
moment.
soon it passed by.
the rustling was
missed.
the tree stood in the
silence,
alone once more.

then
rain came.
the drops rolled off the
leaves,
soothing?
strange,
the raindrops were
warm,
but the air was
cold.


loneliness is taking over?


I found something that belongs to you. but I will keep it to myself. no more. enough.

I give up.

I can't even focus on doing my work.

this is not working.

goodbye world. for now.