bottle.

she stood aside on her own in the room full of people, looking around. how can one feel exclusion amongst a sea of faces?, she wondered. it's really easy actually, come to think of it. if you don't take the effort to mix with whoever's in your company then you'll just be alone - another stranger passing by. but have you ever entertained the thought that where in any situation, you're always with people? that you're not alone and there'll be someone new wanting to get to know you? you don't have to wait to be noticed, and most of the time you go unnoticed anyway. sometimes I wish. BUT shouldn't we be that someone with the interest in someone else's life? isn't that what we're meant to do?

the sun came out today. and all was well. until.

she wondered once again, why was it different today? is it...? could it be? some things just can't be put out of my mind I guess. I asked, and I got a reply, surprisingly, seeing how I usually don't get any. and yeah, I guess I agree with you, maybe it's just conditioning. some things can't be changed once it becomes a habit. how it was like before...maybe it's good it's this way now? it's for my own good, isn't it? I'm making myself think so anyway.

it went ok after that brief bout of...uncertainty.

then another hit.

she let her mind run away again...on thoughts not meant to be. the exclusion was getting to her. she wanted to be there, but yet she knew that if she was, a part of her would wish she wasn't either. I'm not blaming anyone. I guess different people would prefer different...companies. I'm not complaining either. guess I don't...belong? I won't say that I'm contented, cos I know being me, I'll always seem to want more. but hmm. never mind.

so I had quite an 'interesting day'.

---

something I got from Med CF today (we had a combined lunch with Pharmacy CF...had a bit too much sweet stuff to eat but yeah):

"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." -Heb 4:12 (NKJV)

read and believe,
pray and obey.

---

thank you for the chat on the way home just now. it made me feel included for once. realised I tend to talk more with people I'm familiar with. well, at least those I feel comfortable around I do share a bit of myself with. and I'm posting quite often on my blog.

BUT.

I really should start to keep everything back into the bottle where it belongs.