sense of urgency.

I feel so restless. here I am, waking up early and I'm supposed to be studying, but my mind is elsewhere. it's really frustrating. where has the sense of motivation gone to? yeah, so I have a 2 week break, the first week was meant to be a 'break' and I did enjoy relaxing.

but this is almost the end of the 2nd week already.
classes are going to start really soon.
I have 2 tests that I planned initially to sit for on Monday but I have yet to even study for one.
my mid year exam is on 1st June and that's a really short time from now.
the rest of my week will be taken up with S'pore Expose.

I won't have time to study!
much less revise.

I know complaining about it doesn't make things go away...maybe it's just to remind me that I don't have much time to waste on unnecessary things (like blogging) at this point in time. argh.

actually, it's not this that's really bothering me, it's something else...

something that's supposed to be close to my heart.
something that's meant to come so naturally that I don't have to think twice about it.
something that I shouldn't procrastinate about.

but I don't have the courage. I keep thinking there'll be another time to do it. and I seem to keep missing opportunities. it's only after I get home when I'm alone then I think back to the situation before, and wonder why I didn't ask what was on my mind. questions that would lead the way.

why, why why???
how come this doesn't seem to be happening?
where's the zeal after coming home on Sundays?

sometimes I wish I were a different person, more outspoken, more able to speak what's on my mind...cos the me now isn't really doing much.

living it out isn't enough!

desperation. I guess it's the word now that comes to mind. people are all talking about it. what does it mean to be desperate?

to be desperate enough for something.
to really want it.
to give up everything for it.



how DESPERATE am I for this?

God, I say I do...