reflections after camp.

hmm...and so, the long-awaited Easter camp came and went...guess many who went would agree that the time spent there was worth every minute. yes, that would not be too big an assumption to make. there was God-time, and there was time for fellowship as well. lots of fun, making new friends, getting to know people better. all in all it was good I guess...



what I shared with my group was this:

I came to camp expecting something from God. and well, to be honest, I didn't get what I came to look for. I guess I could be discouraged, seeing how I was looking for a touch from God yet I didn't feel it. but I won't back down. cos I know that it's not always about the feeling, the emotion. I know that He is working from the inside out, I might not see anything happen immediately but I believe He is slowly changing me from within. it's a time of testing of faith...if I'm going to be strong enough...

maybe part of the reason why I didn't get much from camp could be because I was part of organising camp instead of just being a part of it. it's different when you're responsible for making pples' experience at camp an enjoyable one than enjoying it yourself. I liked running around, taking photos especially, I think I'm more...courageous? to stand up and shoot away with my camera. and doing lots of other things as well, helping to make camp run smoothly. I do like to make myself useful. and it's not for my own ego, I just like to help. hmm. that's a bit I need to think about...

but one thing I would say I took away from camp is how amazing God's pple are. it's like, we are all made so creative no matter how we deny it. the group presentations which we had to do, the ideas that each group came up with, the skits, dances, poems, etc. wow. it's just amazing. and to think we can compare with each other...it's nothing. each one was unique in its own way, funny to the point where pple were just about laughing the whole time through all the presentations. I couldn't find a better word but just "amazing" as I was describing this to my group...

and well, what I enjoyed most about camp was the fellowship I guess. just having time to spend with pple, newly made friends, those you don't usually get to hang out much with...it's just different in that environment as compared to back here in...I guess you could say...reality. and for me, I think I managed to sort some stuff out with some pple during camp. not that I actively did much, but I hope things will settle down after this...





to you, we finally talked during camp about what happened. not that either of us said much, but like I told you before, I prefer silent company really. but yeah. I think that was a much needed chat to clear things up. though I thought it was kinda left hanging...but. enough but's. I really would like things to be how it was like before...I don't know about you...



and to you, well, think you saw a really different side of me that night. not that I would say you didn't see me in a kinda similar state before, but it wasn't that bad. mmm, not really making much sense now, it's late, again. yah. I don't know, it just felt comfortable, but a part of me felt as though I was 'taking advantage' of the situation. you said it was ok...I can't differentiate anything anymore. so lost as to what you want, and what I do that you find too much. so much for sorting things out...guess it's gonna take a while more, and lots more prayer...



and lastly to you, thank you for listening. thank you for caring. thank you for not pushing me away and abandoning me though I tried to run away. thank you for including me even as out of my anger and confusion I said that you were being exclusive. and while I say this, I know that sometimes I still feel the envy rise in me as I see you befriending those who need friends. I can't have you all to my own...and I need to know that. but I really am so thankful for you. words...are not enough. I don't know what I'd have done without you at that point in time...so yeah. thanks.





right, I guess so that's what's been going on in my life for a while. and my answer to your question, "How was camp?" would be, "It was good."