the race is on now...

this weekend was the last time I allowed myself to relax before my exams arrive in 12 days. I’ve planned out my goals for the week, and my revision timetable for tmr. and I’m determined to follow it as close as I can. it includes not much time on the Internet as well as going home late...self-discipline, girl, you need lots and lots of self-discipline. I really want to do well in the final exams, I need to, or else everything that everyone’s expecting isn’t going to come true. pple say I’m intelligent, smart, etc...but I’m not. honest. I’m just blessed to be able to do so well in the exams though I don’t put in as much hard work as the others. I guess this time around I want to put in the effort so that the results I get would be worth it. I can do it.

hmm...it’s been great not having to study or touch my lecture notes for 2 whole days though. there’s the nagging feeling in my mind that maybe I’m not exactly doing the right thing, but I really can’t be bothered anymore. the past is past. tmr is a brand new day, I’m going to have a new mindset and not moan about studying. mugging. whatever you want to call it. it means the same thing to me, that has been my life for so long, and it’s going to be for quite a long time to come. so why complain? only makes you miserable. I can cope with this...it’s just another part of life...

it was fun last night at Aaron’s and Adrian’s house. we had steamboat, which was great, then we watched The Pacifier. hmm...I got this sense of deja vu, it was as though I saw the part of the guy doing the Peter Panda dance (if you watched the show you’ll know what I’m talking about) at the end before. so weird. and just now I was writing something, I felt as though I’d written exactly the same thing not long ago. so interesting. hmm...don’t know what this means...hope it isn’t anything. but yah, I did enjoy myself. weirdly enough, I sat with almost all the guys during dinnertime, the girls were all sitting with in the other room. haha...it was quite a random observation. didn’t feel awkward though, it was actually quite comfortable. there wasn’t any room at the other table anyway...so yah. was watching Esther play Final Fantasy on PS2 earlier in the afternoon, after I went out with her for lunch. and oh, I did something really, really random...I bought flowers for my G12! haha. ok, never mind that. hehe...=)

hmm...don’t think I’ll be spending quite a lot of time today online. hmm...I’ve just got something to say. to the person I’m referring this to, I guess you know who you are. hmm...well, you ask about philosophy. I really don’t know. like what you say, most pple don’t know. and I’m not bothered about it. maybe that’s when faith comes into the picture. yah...I do have doubts sometimes, but every time it’s a valid doubt, that’s ok. we are human after all. I don’t know how else to say it, but sometimes, maybe if you don’t just try to see the facts, it isn’t that bad. hmm...I don’t even think I know what I’m saying anymore. beating around the bush and just confusing everyone, even myself. hmm...oh well, I can’t argue, I never could, so what’s the point. I should just give up...let one go to get more to come. why am I still holding on...

anyway, I don’t know when my next update would be. probably tmr night. then I’ll take a day’s break from blogging and see if I can get more work done that way. I should focus on my exams right now...

“I think pple are kind of guessing the picture now...hmm...”