so...argh.

hmm...don’t know after all of this, if God’s plan for my life is to get into Med. apparently, it doesn’t really seem so right now. my UMAT marks are just average, and my studies aren’t going well. I keep on getting these ‘mood swings’ where sometimes I feel like giving up everything altogether while at other times I want to study, which is seldom. hmm...and I did my registrations online this morning, funnily enough, I only applied for Medicine. didn’t even put Physiotherapy as one of my choices. goodness. I think tmr morning I’m going to go down to the Health Sciences Admission office to change things. it’s not that I don’t believe that I can get into Med if I work hard...but it’s just that as a precautionary measure I want to apply for Physio as a backup. cos I don’t know what’s going to happen. so far the pple I’ve asked have applied for like almost all of the professional courses...am I that confident that I’ll make it? to be honest, I’m not. hmm...I know I have a guaranteed place from studying in Foundation Year, but the conditions are rather tough to fulfil...sigh. so worrisome. so annoying. so irritating. argh.

becos of my studies, I can’t get involved in doing a dance for Alice, my G12 leader’s birthday. sigh. I’ve gone to find my G12 the past 2 days, and they are getting better. they learnt the steps so quickly! I cannot promise that I’ll turn up for the practices and learn the steps, that’s why I’m not joining in. yes, I did learn a bit of the steps today by just watching, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone by saying I can do it, and halfway through pulling out. I feel bad about not doing in, but sigh. enough. sigh.

don’t know what else to say. things are looking rather down at the moment. my exams are looming up ahead, and I’m starting to become anti-social. I’m not hanging out with my usual ‘gang’ anymore. sigh. why is it this way? I can’t just leave my friendships hanging in the air while I concentrate on studying. that’s not the way. but it seems like I can’t do much about it. I want to isolate myself from the world. I need some peace on my own. so frustrating. I don’t feel like thinking anymore. I don’t want to study for the sake of studying, it’s supposed to be an enjoyable thing to do, and not a chore. so many thoughts. so...argh.

hope I can sleep all these thoughts away...

“I’m starting to do what you did...that’s not good is it...”