frustration!

I'm still thinking about whether to stay on next year or not. it's not that my homestay isn't treating me well, they are, reasonably if I want to compare with other pple. they're not the best, but it's good enough for me I think. hmm...maybe I just want to try out a different kind of life. here's just some of my thoughts...

why I still would like to stay on:
1. I don't have to cook, clean or pay the power bills
2. I already know them quite well, I'm kind of settled down here
3. I won't know how to tell my homestay, esp the kids, they kind of expect me to be back next year
4. I'll have to give up my luxury of a big heated room if I leave!
5. they treat me as part of the family

why maybe it'll be better to leave:
1. there's a lot of yelling in the house, can't really concentrate on studying. but I was thinking maybe I'll go out early in the morning, spend the whole day on campus, then go back late at night just to sleep. problem settled I guess
2. it's SO far away
3. the bus service is inadequate for me
4. I could get a car but then have other problems to worry about: parking, petrol...
5. I'm still dependent on pple!
6. I don't want to spend my entire time at uni staying with a homestay

why I want to move into a flat:
1. it's nearer!
2. I get to live with other students, preferably pple I know
3. considering that I'm aiming for Med Sch next year, it'll be more convenient to live closer, what with all the hectic timetables and need to use the Med Library often
4. I think it might be cheaper, not too sure

if I'm going to move out of where I am:
1. I'll have to learn how to cook!
2. there's a lot more things to worry about: food, power...
3. safety issues? but I think it's not that bad
4. in a flat I'm going to have to learn how to live with pple, but I think it's going to be a good experience

and so, we can all see that I'm more inclined to move out than to stay on. but that's just it. I thought I'll try to write down the pros and cons to see which option is better, and it seems that staying in a flat will be better. I don't know. honestly, this thing's bugging me so much. and all these are not just that simple, it still depends on whether my homestay will be building a new house or not. argh. can anybody help?

anyway, it's another day back to uni. having 2 lectures then I'm done. should do more work. last night did Bio, and today, we shall start the whole cycle again. hmm...shouldn't stay too long online, I'm giving myself about 1hr plus each day to use the internet, then that's it. yah. alrighty, I'm off to lectures. haven't read up today's ones yet...

"how I long to just be able to talk to you, yet it doesn't seem to be so..."